


A Series of Phan Vignettes

by sasquatchwithawatch



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Don't sue me, Feelings Realization, M/M, Mention of smut, Phan - Freeform, Quite a lot, because Dan swears, but then maybe not quite so badly, i'm a timid bean don't judge me for my fluff, there are swear words in this, things end badly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-15 05:45:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10551070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sasquatchwithawatch/pseuds/sasquatchwithawatch
Summary: Phil's up late reading phanfiction one night, and Dan catches him at it.  Things get awkward, tense, incredibly confusing- and neither one is sure if things will ever go back to the way they were. Neither one is sure if that's what they want.





	1. Part 1: The one where it was nothing.

It was two in the morning. Phil sat on the couch in his joggers, kicked back with his laptop, in the same that-can't-be-good-for-your-back position as he had been for five hours. Although the screen's brightness caused each blink to last a fraction of a second longer than the last, he was far too absorbed to even consider moving. He didn't even notice the sound of a door opening down the hall, nor did he look up when Dan wandered groggily into the kitchen in only a tee shirt and boxers.

Dan opened the refrigerator and stared for a moment or two before pulling out the milk jug. Leaning back against the counter, he uncapped it and chugged the contents. When he'd finished and put it away, he turned with the intent of going back to bed when he saw Phil, staring intently with bloodshot eyes at the screen of his laptop.

"Phil?" he whispered. Phil looked up long enough to recognize his friend's silhouette before shifting his focus back onto the computer. Dan, puzzled and still somewhat sleepy, went over to sit beside his friend. "What time did /you/ wake up?" he asked.

"Never went to bed." Phil muttered before turning to Dan, "Have you ever read any phanfiction?"

"Um, well yeah, mate. Of course. You _know_  I was reading that Pokemon fic where Ash and Brock-"

"No, no. PHAN fiction. As in, Phil and Dan. Have you ever actually read any?"

"A couple of one shots, yeah, but that was a while ago. Why?"

"Er- I don't know. No reason, really."

"Really? It's two in the fucking morning and you've been here for god knows how long staring at that screen, and you're gonna tell me there's no correlation between that and 'have you ever read any phanfiction?'"

"Yep. You look absolutely knackered, you should go back to bed."

"Phil," Dan said in a very don't-you-even-try-that tone of voice. Phil looked up from his screen, finally.

"Whoa, you really _do_  look knackered." A slight smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

Dan scooted closer to Phil (who inhaled sharply as Dan's bare thigh rubbed against his) in order to get a better look at the screen.

"Is that what you're reading now?" His brown eyes flicked between the screen and Phil's blue ones.

Phil looked away. "M-maybe."

"It _is_ , isn't it? Phil, how long have you been up reading this stuff?"

"Um, what time is it?" He squinted at the lower right corner of the screen. "Maybe about five hours I think, give or take a few minutes."

"Five hours? Phil, honestly - what the fuck?" Dan laughed in disbelief.

"Ah, aha, simple explanation, really. I was just going to scroll through the comments on our last video really quickly and then go to bed, but-"

"You _know_  there's no 'scrolling through the comments really quickly' on _any_  of our videos." Dan interrupted.

"Sh. Anyway, I saw this one that had like, 1,860 likes and 700 replies, and I looked at it, and it was just a link, so I clicked it. And it took me to Archive of our Own. Ao3."

"And by now you weren't even the least bit suspicious?"

"Course I was. The title of the story was literally just Phil x Dan. So I got kind of curious, because I know the fans write stuff about us but I've never actually read any of it. Plus it's usually Dan and Phil, not Phil and Dan."

Dan sighed. "So..."

"So I clicked proceed, because it said it might contain mature content-"

"You still read it even though it was obviously a smut."

"Well, it didn't really hit me until I was like three quarters of the way through. It had like fourteen chapters in it, and I kind of forgot."

"You read through the smut."

"Yes."

Dan facepalmed, words muffled by his hand, "Has Tumblr not taught you to back slowly away from anything Phan and leave it alone? You know what our fans are like, you know what kind of twisted stuff they come up with."

"Of course I do. But this one was actually better than you'd think."

"And that's what kept you up for five hours. Reading one smut."

"No... That's what... Got me started reading _other_  Phan fics..." Phil muttered sheepishly, looking away again.

"Wow."

"Well, they're really good, the ones I've read. Some of our fans are talented /and/ classy, you know. I just finished a one shot by someone called..." he squinted at the screen again, scrolling up, "deathdancesthecharleston."

"I don't even know how to respond to that."

"Here, you read it." He ignored Dan's protests, shoving the computer onto Dan's lap.

"Phil, I don't really want to read this. It'd be... Weird... To read something like that... About you and me."

"C'mon, give it a chance. I'll leave the room if you want, but think how happy it'd make the fans."

Dan's heart jumped a little when Phil nonchalantly place a hand on his knee and pulled the Pleading Puppy Dog Face. He hesitated for a moment before sighing.

"Fiiiiiiiine... But just to be clear, I'm only doing this for the fans. Only the fans."

"Of course, of course." Phil made no move to leave.

***

About five minutes later, Dan, wide-eyed, closed the laptop.

"Whoa."

"Well, what'd you think?"

"I am currently questioning my existence. Yet again."

"Right? Same for me, and-" he cut himself off, looking away.

"What?"

"Never mind."

"No, no. What were you going to say?"

"It's nothing, really."

"Tell me."

Phil sighed and looked at Dan. "All this Phan makes it seem like we've got chemistry. And maybe it's just because I've read so much, but- don't be weirded out- it kinda... Made me wonder... If there really was nothing, or something." He trailed off, looking away again.

In the faint glow of the laptop screen, Dan saw a slight blush on Phil's cheeks.

"Hmm.." Dan hesitated, not really sure how to respond.

"Maybe that's just the dumb ramblings of sleep deprivation talking. I'm probably not even thinking straight. I'm gonna go to bed, and wake up in the morning and hate myself for all of this. Yeah. G'night."

He started to get up, but Dan caught him by the arm, pulling him back onto the couch.

"Do you... Want to find out?" Dan's voice was barely above a whisper.

Phil blinked. "Erm- w-what'd you say?"

"...Nothing or something. Do you want to find out?"

"But, didn't you say it'd be weird? I mean-"

"Well, yeah, a bit. But... We've been friends for a fucking hell of a long time, and I guess... I suppose it's normal at this point to question it... Besides, don't girls do that like all the time? Experiment? Kiss at sleepovers or whatever to see if they like it?"

"Is this you talking or just exhaustion?"

"Probably exhaustion."

"Fair enough." Phil muttered as he leaned closer, shutting his eyes as he pressed his lips against Dan's.

'god, he tastes like milk and sleep.' Phil thought to himself. It was almost rancid, and his lips were chapped, and- he found that he didn't really mind. Actually, he was enjoying it. It wasn't how he'd imagined it would be. It was better.

Almost deepening the kiss, his hand half raised on it's way to the back of Dan's neck, he noticed slight hesitation. He pulled away, not really sure whether he should look Dan in the eye or not - afraid of the expression he'd see.

"So... I guess that's a no then?" Phil asked, trying not to sound disappointed.

"Er- yeah. I guess so." Dan looked away.

"You didn't feel anything."

"Well, did you?" Dan looked back at Phil, eyebrows raised in anticipation.

"Uh, no. No." Phil said, immediately cursing himself.

"I thought not. Me neither." Dan tried not to sound disappointed, and hoped Phil hadn't noticed.

"Right." Phil looked down at his hands, folded in his lap, thumbs tapping from anxiousness to escape.

"Well then. Let's agree on never again. Okay? There was nothing, and we'll leave it at that. Never have to talk about it, think about it, or try it ever again." Dan stood.

"Yeah, deal." Phil agreed with a reluctance that escaped Dan's notice.

"Alright, well, I'm tired as fuck and it's three in the morning so I'm gonna go back to bed now. G'night, mate."

"Oh, yeah. Okay. G'night." Phil's eyes followed Dan, who slowly ambled back to his room. When he heard he door click shut, he sighed, running his hands through his hair. "Bloody hell, what's wrong with me?"

Once he'd made it to his room, out of Phil's earshot, Dan sank down against his door, drawing his knees to his chest. Burying his face in his hands, he groaned into the darkness. "What the fuck is wrong with me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *ahem* so I've been working on this for while now and finally got around to posting it... I really hope you guys liked it haha *nervously tugging at my sleeves* 
> 
> on a side note, if anyone has the username deathdancesthecharleston, I wasn't talking about you. didn't know the username existed, just thought it was kinda funny~


	2. Part 2: The one where it's almost something.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil are at a party - Cat tries to make a move on Dan and Phil gets jealous.
> 
> And again, I would like to thank my beta, Tye, for never judging my awful rough drafts~

Dan glanced at his phone - only 8:41 pm. He yawned, wishing he and Phil could go home already. He considered asking, but they'd only arrived about ten minutes ago and Phil was already God-knew-where. His heart sunk at the thought, but he brushed it off. Phil was allowed to socialize, they didn't have to hang around each other all the time. They could exist as two separate people- they _were_  two separate people, after all. Briefly wondering why he was so consumed by this, he focused his attention on his surroundings. The music was some loud, popular electronic song, multi-colored beams of light swung every direction, and bodies shining with hour-old droplets of sweat grinded together, crowding the common area. The only plus side he could see was that the refreshments table was well-stocked this time.

"Hey, Dan!" A cheery voice yelled from behind him. He turned around and smiled - Cat was making her way towards him, red solo cup in hand. "Someone looks relieved to see me," she noted with a laugh.

"Yeah," he laughed awkwardly, "Phil disappeared somewhere and I'd rather awkwardly hang by the punch bowl than deal with _that_  crowd to try and find him." He said as he looked around, hoping to see Phil making his way back, to know that he hadn't completely abandoned him.

"Aw, poor baby." She laid a hand on his shoulder as if to comfort him, but he knew she was probably just steadying her swaying body. "I think I saw him over by the pool with Conner and Tyler, want me to go get him?"

"No, it's fine," Dan quickly protested, "I don't want to pull him away from his other friends. I'll just hang out with you, instead." He plastered on a cheery smile, patting the hand still on his shoulder. 'Conner and Tyler?' he thought, 'What could he want with those two?'

"Awesome! This'll be so fun, just Cat and Dan time, woo!" She slurred, "Hey, hey, we should totally make a vlog, like, right now! Like, a livestream! I'll call it Catisnotonfire and Danrific, get it? Switching our names around would be soo cute!" She twirled, her short red and orange skirt flaring out.

Dan laughed. "Alright, then. Okay. Just, just-" he grabbed her by the shoulders, mid-twirl, "maybe don't do that anymore. You're not wearing safety shorts, and you're about to fall over as it is." Cat looked up at him as if confused, brown eyes swimming with disorientation, then shrugged.

"Wanna go dance?" She suddenly lit up, tugging at Dan's long black sleeve.

"I thought you wanted to do a livestream?" He asked.

"Nah, I'd rather go dance. Wouldn't you? It looks like so much fun, and this is my jam!" She slammed her empty cup down on the table and grabbed Dan by the wrist, pulling him out to the dance floor. Dan hardly protested- anything to get his mind off of Phil.

***

"I see. Well, that is quite the pickle you've gotten yourself into, Philly." Tyler gave him a sad smile.

"That honestly really sucks," Conner chimed in, "I can't imagine having to _live_  with the guy I loved, knowing he'd never love me back."

"Thanks for summing that up," Phil responded, draining the remains of his plastic cup, "but that's why I was hoping you guys could help me. It's like I'm flying blind here - I've got no idea how to handle this, but one wrong move could cause the whole thing to go down in flames. I'm not ready for that, but I'm barely holding it together as it is."

Phil folded his arms and glanced out into the crowd, thoroughly not-envying the sweaty idiots mashing their private parts together in a drunken stupor. He didn't know how anyone could dance to _this_  song, drunk or not. He wanted to find Dan and just go home, but he'd insisted they come out tonight on the off-chance that he might run into, to put it bluntly, YouTube's gay sweethearts. He'd thought this problem might fall into their "area of expertise", but as the two shared pitifully confused looks as they quietly conversed, he began to lose hope. Maybe he was simply destined to go down in flames.

"The best you can do, we think, is to just go for it. Make the first move." Conner said, finally.

"Right, but not unless you think there's even a slight chance he might be into you, too." Tyler piped up, "Wait a little while, try to pick up on subtle hints, and then-"

"Then go for it. If he's into you, awesome, great for both of you. If not, he's still your best friend. He'll understand. Either way, knowing is always better than not knowing."

"Even if both of us end up broken? Even if it causes the Dan and Phil brand to crumble apart and die? I'm pretty sure the fans would riot, the world might even end or something."

"Even if the world ends, it's better than keeping all of this inside."

Phil couldn't tell which one of them spoke then - he'd glanced out into the crowd again to see Dan and Cat on the dance floor. More specifically, Cat throwing herself all over Dan. Cat, who was so drunk that she became even more clumsy than usual, stepping all over his feet and falling over as an excuse for him to catch her. And Dan, smiling. Laughing like he was having a great time. Holding Cat closer than he normally would. Phil started to feel like a cartoon character- physically starting to turn boiling red with jealousy.

"Thanks," he said curtly, throwing the two a strained smile as he turned and walked stiffly to the refreshments table.

"That could quite possibly be the best relationship advice I've ever given," Conner laughed.

"Which is really sad, actually, because he's almost guaranteed to fail." Tyler sighed, shaking his head.

**

"Cat, Cat-" Dan chuckled nervously, "come on - you're drunk, you don't know what you're doing-"

"Shhhhh," Cat slurred, squishing her index finger against Dan's lips, "I feel fine! In fact, I feel great, fantastic! Don't you feel fantastic?"

"Erm, well actually," Dan said after she removed her finger, "Not really. This... this is all starting to be a bit much for me, I don't know why we had to come out tonight anyw- whoa!" Dan reached out to catch Cat as she tripped, giggling. Before he could finish his thought, someone tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around, nearly dropping Cat with relief. "Phil!" He lit up for a brief moment, but quickly regained his composure due to the look on his friend's face. "What's the matter?"

"I want to go home." Phil said with a completely straight face. "Can we go? Now?"

He wanted dearly to leave with Phil, to just go home and sit on the couch and nonchalantly brush against his thigh while they watched a movie and pretend it was an accident. Pretend he didn't mean it, because of course they were just friends, and it didn't make any difference because he was just happy to be around him. He wanted it badly, but how could he just leave Cat when she was in such a vulnerable state?

He glanced down at her, then back up at Phil. "Um, sure, but what about Cat?" Dan glanced down at her, still nearly collapsed in his arms.

"What _about_   Cat? Worried you won't get to finish having a dandy ol' time dancing to this god-awful song because she's _so_ much more fun than me?" Phil's eyes narrowed ever so slightly.

"Hey!" Cat piped up, "I love this song, it's my jam, y'know.."

Concern flickered across Dan's face. Phil wasn't usually like this. "Give me a minute," he muttered, gathering Cat up in his arms. After looking around for a second, he spied a small, comfortable-looking sofa, and made his way over to it. He tried to lay Cat down on it, but she muttered something and latched her arms around his neck, eyes beginning to flutter. Dan was acutely aware that Phil was watching, and for some reason this made him very warm in the face.

He wrenched her arms away from his body and made sure she had passed out and wouldn't be going anywhere before grabbing a napkin from the refreshment table, asking around for a pen, and pulling the safety pin that had been stabbing him in the leg all day from his pocket. He glanced back at Phil, who looked thoroughly uncomfortable with his arms folded across his chest. Quickly scribbling a note, he pinned it to her shirt in case she woke up still drunk, shoved his hands in his pockets and went back over to Phil.

"Ready?" Phil asked, eyebrows raised.

"Um," Dan glanced back at Cat, still passed out on the couch, "Yeah. Yeah, let's get out of here."

Once outside, Dan grabbed Phil's wrist, stopping him.

"Alright, now what's wrong?" Dan asked, tightening his grip as Phil tried to pull away.

"Nothing. It's just, I just want-" Phil paused, sighed, and looked away, "I just want to go home."

"Phil, come on. You expect me to believe that? We're away from the crowd, there's no one listening but me. So, so tell me what's wrong, please."

"Because- I have to tell y- it's just, well- I, because I-." Phil stammered.

"Why are you acting like this? Why couldn't you just go by yourself?" As soon as Dan had said this, he knew it was the wrong thing. Phil froze.

"I dunno, Dan." Phil said quietly, balling his hands into fists, "I s'pose I should've, even though you didn't want to come out int he first place. You could've stayed and had your fun with Cat- danced with her, laughed with her, maybe even gone home with her. Doesn't make a difference to me," he yanked his hand away, "go back to her. I don't care." Phil sighed, starting to walk away.

Dan started to follow him, unable to process what was going on, why Phil was acting so incredibly strangely. He was entirely unsure of how he should respond. So he said the first thing that came to mind: "Why do you care so much about Cat? It's not like we're dating or anything."

"No," Phil said without turning around, "you're right. We're not."

Dan stopped in his tracks, dumbstruck. He'd been talking about Cat, but Phil had sounded so... sad. He watched as his friend walked away, wanting to follow him but knowing it was probably a bad idea. After Phil disappeared around the corner, Dan sank down to the cold, concrete steps in front of the building, burying his face in his hands.

'Maybe I could just stay over at Cat's place... for the rest of eternity...' he thought, 'there's no _way_ I'll be able to face Phil after this.'

*

Phil's insides clenched together when he heard those words. 'It's not like we're dating or anything.' He'd been so close to spilling it- but Dan obviously didn't feel that way. There was no point.

As he trudged home, hands shoved in his pockets and shivering from the cold night air, he prayed it didn't snow (because that was the last thing he needed right then) and thought about Dan. And Cat. Dan and Cat. Cat and Dan. Dan with Cat, holding her hand, maybe playing with her hair. Cat on Dan, doing unspeakable things to him while- no, no. He didn't want to think about that, he'd rather bash his head against a bus stop sign. Which he did. It was painful, and didn't help at all. 

A noise somewhere behind him- he stopped and glanced back, thinking it might be Dan trying to catch up with him, to give him another chance and forgive him for being such a dirtbag and walk the rest of the way home with him. But no one, not even Dan, was behind him. Just a cat, falling off a rubbish bin. He tried not to see it as a sign. His shoulders slumped, and he slowly continued ambling towards their apartment. 

'Maybe I could just go to the airport and get a ticket for the first flight anywhere,' he thought, 'or get in a cab and say "just drive" like they do in the movies. As long as I don't have to go home. Anywhere but there. There's _no_ way I'll be able to face Dan after this.' 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one's a bit longer than the first, and there's still more to come! Hope you guys liked it and I'm not really a shit writer after all ^_^ please don't forget to comment, every little bit of feedback helps!


	3. Part 3: The one where it's obviously not nothing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan has to leave soon for a job interview, but can't knot his tie properly. He goes to Phil for help, not expecting him to render it useless.

"Hey, Phil," Dan mumbled, walking into Phil's room whilst trying to fix his tie.

"Yeah?" Phil mumbled, not looking up from his game.

"Can you help me with my tie? You've always been better at this stuff that me."

Phil looked up, nose scrunched as he squinted at Dan. "Depends, where're you going all fancy like that? Got a date with Cat, have you?" 

"Right, sure. We've been over this, smartass - that was never a thing. I've got a job interview and I have to leave in like, two minutes." Finally fed up with the piece of fabric, he dropped his hands dramatically and sighed, giving up and letting it hang limp across the back of his neck. "C'mon, help me out here, mate."

Phil rolled his eyes, shutting his handheld, "You can be utterly useless sometimes, d'you know that?"

"Yes, yes, I know. Now can you just help me already?" Dan crossed his arms and tapped his foot with exaggerated impatience.

"And what exactly will I get in return for doing you such a huge favor?" Phil raised his eyebrows, pointedly not moving from the bed.

Dan glanced at the clock, "I'll let you win the next Dan vs. Phil- I'll buy you another houseplant- you can have my box of Crunchy Nut- anything, I swear, just anything-"

"Anything?"

"Yes, I swear, just get over here and _help me_  you _prick_!"

Phil, with a vaguely mischievous look, pushed himself off the bed with exaggerated slowness and crossed the room until he was hardly an inch from Dan, seemingly ignoring the perspiration forming on Dan's forehead from sheer anxiety. He knew he was going to be late, and while he kept trying to tell himself it wasn't a huge deal and he shouldn't be worried because he already worked for YouTube, he couldn't help but squirm knowing Phil was making him anxious on purpose. Why, he had no clue. All he knew was that Phil for some reason didn't seem to feel awkward at all, as though they'd finally gone back to normal. Had they? Maybe. Dan had been too wrapped up in anxiety and overthinking to notice.

"Okay then," Phil said, looking into Dan's eyes for half a second before shifting his gaze to his neck and setting to work. He deftly wrapped the smooth black fabric over and over and under itself, causing the hair on the back of Dan's neck to stand up every time Phil's soft, cold fingers grazed his skin. It made him very nervous, but he didn't have time to think about why. When Phil finally pulled the tie snugly against his neck, he found he couldn't look Phil in the eye, and his mouth was very dry. He cleared his throat.

"Thanks, and I've really got to run now-" Dan started to say as he walked out the door, but found that something was literally holding him back. The clock said that it was definitely time to go, but Phil maintained his grip on the tie. "Phil, mate, it's one thing to mess around when I /might/ be late, but you keep doing this and I'm _actually_  going to be late."

Phil didn't loosen his hold, instead looking into Dan's eyes, his usually animated face expressionless. With only a moment's hesitation, he leaned in and kissed him. Just a quick, slightly forceful peck on the lips, but it was enough to leave Dan in shock.

When Dan didn't respond right away, Phil's cheeks reddened and his gaze shifted to his feet. He dropped the tie.

"P-Phil," Dan sputtered, unsure of where to look, "Phil, what the fuck?"

Phil didn't answer, just sighed. Running a hand through his hair, he shuffled back over to his bed, sank down, and buried his face in his hands.

"I thought... I _thought_  we'd agreed on never again. Remember?"

Phil muttered something indistinct into his hands.

"What's that?"

Phil took his hands away from his face, staring at his lap. "I _said_  I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do it. I was just gonna ask to finish off your cereal, but... Anyways, you've got an interview to go to. I didn't mean for it to happen like this."

"Didn't mean for it to happen like this? Then... what _did_  you mean for it to happen like?" Dan folded his arms across his chest, hoping he didn't sound as nervous as he felt.

"Forget it. You have to get to your interview, you might make it if you leave now."

"No. No, no, no. We're talking about this. You can't just do that and then expect me to be able to interview for a job and come home and act like everything's normal. It's not normal, Phil. In case you haven't noticed, it hasn't been _normal_ for quite a long time, and I've had just about enough. What did you want it to happen like? And- and why?"

Phil took a deep breath and sighed heavily. "I don't know. Right now, I honestly don't know. All I know is that you said anything, and my mind was saying 'just eat his cereal, you buffoon' but my body didn't listen."

"I what?"

"You _said_ , if I helped you, then... I could have anything I wanted." Phil muttered.

"R-right. I did. I said that. I just didn't expect- I mean you never-" Dan stuttered, finally cutting himself off before he started to look like an idiot.

"I know. I didn't expect it either. I'm sorry." Phil buried his face in his hands again, hiding his now firetruck red face.

Dan clenched his jaw in thought, running a hand through his hair, the thumping tick of the clock echoing in his ears as he internally fought with himself over the proper thing to do next. He crossed the room before he could tell himself not to, and sat next to his roommate.

"I guess-" Dan took hold of Phil's wrists, pulling them away from his face. Phil looked up at him, eyebrows scrunched in confused. "I guess I forgive you." He trailed off before closing the gap between their lips.

Dan felt hesitant, unsure of what the hell he was doing and why everything seemed to be happening so fast. He wondered if Phil's lips had been this smooth the first time, and why he hadn't bothered to notice it. If Phil shared any of Dan's anxiousness, he didn't show it. He'd even the courage to rest his hand on the nape of Dan's neck, running his fingers along the soft baby hairs that never grew out. Only seconds later, Dan leaned back.

"Is that what you wanted?" Dan asked, his voice uncharacteristically low.

Phil hesitated a moment before nodding.

"I- I never knew you felt that way."

Phil moved his hand back onto his lap. "I know. I tried not to, honestly I did, I tried really hard not to feel like this. But that night- y'know, the night we decided to test, just to make sure that it really was nothing-"

"It wasn't nothing, was it?"

Phil shook his head, looking down at his lap again. "And when we were at that party a few months ago, and I saw you with Cat, I was like, devastated, because I thought it really _had_ meant nothing you and I was just delusional and-"

Dan tilted Phil's chin up, forcing him to look him in the eye. Before he could overthink it, he smiled softly and kissed him hard.

Slim fingers wound in dark hair, clutched at shirts, delved beneath shirts, trailed along pale skin. Moans, sighs, the faint rustle of fabric against fabric and the soft-as-a-heartbeat tick tick ticking of the forgotten clock filled the room until they separated, breathless.

"You're not delusional." Dan said, his hand still on Phil's cheek.

"But, but we agreed on never again. That was _your_  idea." Phil said, confused.

"I only said that because I thought it was nothing for you. I mean, you even said-"

"I just said that because I thought it was nothing for _you_. You acted all hesitant, like you didn't really like it. I wasn't about to embarrass myself like that."

"I was just- just surprised, I think. I expected to feel like 'that was an interesting experience. well, time to go back to bed.' and leave it at that. But it wasn't like that at all. I... I really liked it, and I realized that I really liked you as, like, _more_ than a friend, and it hit me all at once, and... and it fucking scared me. And I couldn't just turn it off, no matter how much I wanted to." Dan said softly.

"But Dan, that's been nearly a year ago. How did you deal with it that whole time? It must've been awful." Phil scrunched his eyebrows together, concerned.

"How did you?" Dan smiled wryly.

Phil bit his lip, "I didn't."

"Exactly."

"And Cat was..?"

"Cat was extremely drunk, I really was _just_ trying to make sure she was okay that night. And since you'd stopped talking to her, she asked me to tell you she was sorry for whatever she'd done to make you upset with her. She has no idea."

"Ah." Phil lowered his eyes, suddenly feeling ashamed. 

A few seconds of awkward silence followed before Dan said, "Well, now that it's obviously not nothing, what d'you want to do?"

"Depends. How important is that job interview?"

Dan glanced at the clock and cringed. "Mother of fuck... I'm already extremely late, so I guess there's no real point in going. Oh well."

"So, you've got the afternoon off then?" Phil asked.

When Dan nodded, Phil smirked devilishly. He gripped Dan's shoulders, pushing him back onto the green and blue bedspread, one leg on either side of him. Dan, wide-eyed and turned on by Phil's surprise dominant side, dug his fingers into Phil's hips as Phil unbuttoned Dan's shirt, kissing and nipping his neck.

"Mm, careful not to leave any hickeys, we've got to film that collab later."

Phil started to laugh then, nuzzling his head into the crook of Dan's neck.

"What? Was it something I said? Something I did? I know I'm awkward and shit, but you don't have to-"

"No, no, it's not that. It's just, I was wondering."

"About what?"

"How the fangirls would react if they could see us right now."

Dan laughed, relaxing. "I'm pretty sure they'd explode. Leave it to _you_  to think of something like that at a time like this-"

"Shut up," Phil smirked, pinning Dan's hands above his head and kissing him deeply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not sure yet if this will be the last vignette- I might do one or two more in the future. seems like a good place to end it to me, but I'd love it if you guys would let me know what you think~


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